In 2022, the correspondents of the dating app must die

It doesn’t matter why they do it. It has to stop. Talking at length to a stranger about their thoughts and feelings is a service. If you are good at it people will pay a lot of money. You can monetize your skills by becoming a bartender, therapist, or sex worker. But if you let him, a guy named Brad will keep you locked in a 24-hour news cycle on Brad, tapping into a back-and-forth about his weekend that he considers a joke.

We need to stop lavishing the full extent of our creative writing skills on complete strangers. We have to ask ourselves: are we setting the stage for dating, sex and adventure? Or do we embark on a five-year mutual journal? “It’s just chatter, it’s boring, it doesn’t build anything, it doesn’t reveal anything about you,” Ury explains. What if, by some miracle, you find yourself after all this talking, “even though the person is great, they don’t match the fantasy of who you thought they were, and then you are disappointed.”

She recommends not chatting for more than four or five days on the app to determine if the person is reaching what she calls “your minimum connection threshold.” One of Ury’s favorite tips: When the person is about to tell you something, say, “Wait, I would love to hear that story, but I want to hear it from you in person.” You can avoid a lot of round trip schedules, she suggests, saying something like, “What are you doing at seven o’clock on Thursday?” I really want to try this new tapas bar in Greenwich Village. Either way, she said, “Say a specific place, a specific time, and a specific activity, and then the person can respond to that, instead of just saying, ‘Hey, do you want a drink? “”

This date doesn’t even have to be in person, especially as the number of COVIDs rises again. “A video date is a very easy way to check for vibrations. See if you like their appearance, if you like the sound of their voice, if you can keep a conversation going, ”Ury stresses.

The flip side of this problem is the occasional person – often a heterosexual man – who has “not matched” in his biography. Maybe he’s just jaded by bad experiences, but maybe he’s trying to stop you from asking basic questions before you invest your time with him. Unfortunately, this man is also bad.

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Thinking of all the people who will be drawn into correspondence relationships this year, I feel like a grizzled old military commander, watching the movement of troops on a map, muttering, “I have seen too many precious hours wasted for me. a guy who works in finance and probably doesn’t respond because he’s on cocaine! Remember: a person who doesn’t want to enjoy the pleasure of your business in real life isn’t worth spending time with them. And for every person who doesn’t respond to you, there are countless people who would love to meet you. Fridays, weekends, even the dreaded obnoxious Monday, whatever day you are worth it.

Jenny Singer is a writer for Charm. You can am here on Twitter.

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