In 2022 dating app pen pals must die
It doesn’t matter why they do it. It has to stop. Talking at length to a stranger about his thoughts and feelings is a service. If you’re good at it, people will pay a lot of money. You can monetize your skills by becoming a therapist. But if you let him, a guy named Brad will keep you locked in a 24-hour Brad news cycle, going back and forth on his weekends that he sees as jokes.
We need to stop showering complete strangers with the full extent of our creative writing abilities. We have to ask ourselves: are we setting the stage for dating, sex and adventure? Or are we embarking on a mutual five-year journal? “It’s just chatter, it’s boring, it doesn’t build anything, it doesn’t reveal anything about you,” Ury says.
And if you end up finding yourself, by some miracle, after all that talking, “even if the person is great, the person doesn’t match the fantasy of who you thought they were, and then you’re disappointed.” She recommends chatting no more than four or five days on the app to determine if the person meets what she calls “your minimum login threshold.”
One of Ury’s favorite tricks: When the person is about to tell you something, say, “Wait, I’d love to hear that story, but I want to hear it from you in person.” You can cut out a lot of back and forth, she suggests, by saying something like, “What are you doing Thursday at seven?” Really want to try this new tapas bar in Greenwich Village.
Either way, she says, “Say a specific place, a specific time, and a specific activity, and then the person can respond to that, instead of just saying, ‘Hey, do you want a drink? “”
This date doesn’t even have to be in person – especially as Covid-19 numbers rise again. “A video date is a really easy way to have mood control. See if you like the way they look, if you like the sound of their voice, if you can carry on a conversation,” Ury points out.
The flip side of this problem is the occasional person – often a straight man – who has “not looked for a match” in his biography. Maybe he’s just jaded by bad experiences, but maybe he’s trying to keep you from asking basic questions before you invest your time in him. Unfortunately, this man is also evil.
Thinking of all the people who will be drawn into pen pal relationships this year, I feel like a grizzled old military commander, looking at the movement of troops on a map, muttering, “I’ve seen too many precious hours wasted for a guy who works in finance and is probably not answering because he takes cocaine! »